


Back to Wonderland

by crackbabybaseketball



Category: South Park
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-01-19 11:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1467448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crackbabybaseketball/pseuds/crackbabybaseketball
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life back then was better. It was crazy and chaotic - but with how things were now, it still seemed so much simpler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the wasted youth

**Author's Note:**

> hey there! if you're reading this, thanks for checking me out! this is a project im just kind of plugging out for funsies, so please be gentle. it's kind of an AU of sorts, so some canons may be sacrified/forgotten. but for the most part, canon events are still applicable in this story. thanks for giving it a chance! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _didn't have a clue what we were doing  
>  or where we would end up_

Sparse brown walls sealed in a deafening silence, broken only by the sound of rustling papers and the monotonous tick of the clock hanging by the door. A few framed degrees hung on the wall above the psychiatrist's desk neatly while the middle-aged woman silently leafed through a folder, turned away from the couch. Kyle's eye's wandered desperately through the room for something to focus on. It was small, with only enough room for the psychiatrist's desk, the couch he was sitting on, and a small coffee table in front of him. He never would have pegged himself as claustrophobic, but the somber space was beginning to make him feel smothered and uncomfortable. His eyes went to the degrees and certificates on the psychiatrist's wall. He counted them to himself anxiously. One, two, three, four. Four. How fitting, seeing as this was the fourth shrink Kyle had been through in the course of three months.

A knot formed in Kyle's stomach, and his eyes went to the clock. He began tapping his fingers nervously on his leg, in time with in time with the loud ticking.

"Kyle Broflovski." The psychiatrist's voice almost startled Kyle amidst the quiet, and he faced her again. She turned around in her swivel chair with a smile. "I've heard a lot about you."

Kyle laughed a little dryly. _I'm sure you have._ He forced a smile back. "My dad's said a lot of great things about you, Mrs. Edenburg."

"Please, call me Gina," she replied. Her gaze faltered momentarily as she flipped through her papers again, moving the file marked "Broflovski, Kyle" to the back of the pile, bringing a small yellow notepad to the top. Kyle flinched inwardly as she clicked the pen in her hand, looking back up with the same smile on her face.

"So, Kyle, how have you been doing?"

Kyle smiled back blankly. "Okay."

"That's good. How's school been going? You guys just got back from summer break a few months ago, right?"

"Yeah," Kyle said. He hated it when they beat around the bush. "I started my senior year. I get okay grades. Starting to apply for colleges."

"So you're getting along nicely?"

 _We both know why I'm here, just get on with it._ "Sure. I mean, I guess high school's still high school. But it's okay."

Gina paused, then blinked slowly as she looked down at her papers. She looked back up, still smiling. "I feel like you're already impatient with me, Kyle."

This made Kyle feel a little bad. He didn't want to seem like a dick. He had just been through this so many times before. He crossed his arms across his chest, and looked off to the side. "Sorry."

"It's alright. I understand. So why don't you tell me why you decided to see me."

Kyle bit the inside of his cheek. "My parents wanted me to see someone."

"Why?"

After a brief pause, Kyle continued, "They think I'm depressed."

"Do you think you're depressed?"

The next pause lasted a little longer. "I don't know."

"Okay." Gina looked down for a moment to jot something down in her notes. When she looked back up, she asked, "Why do your parents think you're depressed?"

"I don't know." Kyle ran a hand through his hair anxiously. "I've just been... tired. It doesn't even feel like I'm sad. I'm just tired. I don't really like going places anymore. During summer break, I didn't really hang out with anyone. I just kind of stayed home."

"I see." Gina hummed, writing down more notes. Kyle didn't like it when they wrote shit down. It made him nervous. "Have your grades suffered at all?"

The knot was back in Kyle's stomach. "A little. I mean, I'm not failing or anything. And it's only been since we got back from break. But... I've fallen asleep a couple of times in class. And I got a C on one of our first assignments. I've never gotten a C in my entire life. That's kind of why I agreed with my mom and dad to see someone."

"Your grades are important to you?"

"Yes. Like, I don't know. I guess it's stupid, considering that there are other things in life that can hold greater concern... but I don't know. I just like being smart. I've always been a smart kid. I like that about myself."

"It's not stupid, Kyle. If your grades are what matter to you, than they're equally as important as anything else." She wrote down some more notes. "Now, when did you first notice these feelings? Feeling tired?"

Kyle almost sighed as he recalled the memory yet again. "It was around my 13th birthday. After my Bar Mitzvah." Why did it always come back to this fucking story? "It's been on and off since then. This year has been the longest period where it just... hasn't seemed to go away."

"Okay. What happened around your Bar Mitzvah?"

"Well...." Kyle paused, weary to tread down this path again. Why did this seem to be the root of his problems? "I used to hang out a lot with these three other kids when I was younger." Why did this have to matter? "Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormick, and Eric Cartman. We knew each other since we were in kindergarten."

Gina nodded, taking more notes. "Go on."

Why does it all come back to them? Kyle bit his lip. "I guess it all started when Kenny's brother died."

-_-_-_-

It was beautiful.

That's what kept Kenny coming back.

The world was so beautiful. The leaves on the trees were dying, but they never looked more alive. The varying oranges and yellow were rich and vibrant, and the veins on each leaf were so unique, so intricate. They were dying, falling before Kenny's eyes onto the thin layer of frost below, but it was so goddamned beautiful. That's what death became. A beautiful fucking lie.

He looked out to Stark's Pond, and goddamn, it was beautiful too. The water was still, perfect, untouched. It was so, painfully clear, crystal fucking clear. He wanted to see to the bottom, but the crystals cut like diamonds, burning his eyes and clouding his vision. Or maybe that was something else. But he wondered if the water was a lie too. A beautiful little lie. He wanted to see the bottom. He wanted to sink into bliss, delve deep into it, forever seeking an end. Forever seeking, seeking until he couldn't notice the diamonds cutting deep, cutting into his lungs. Breathing deep hurt. But he had to get to the bottom, he needed to reach the end to get to that beautiful little lie.

But maybe that was something else.

"Dude, you're so fucked up."

Kenny blinked a couple times, and then turned around to Craig, having completely forgotten he was even there. Craig was laughing at him, eyes red, and Kenny couldn't remember if he had spoken aloud or what was said, or what exactly he had taken since they got there, but he laughed too. He looked down and remembered the soda-can-turned-bong he held in his hands, and it was still smoking, so hell, why not take another hit? Tweek was sitting next to Craig, already doing a line off his own phone.

Kenny gave Tweek a dazed grin. "Dude, slow down, we're not fuckin' racing."

Tweek set down his phone after all was done, rubbing at his nose anxiously. "They're fucking onto me."

Craig giggled again. "Who's onto you?"

"Fucking everyone." Tweek's eyes darted around in a panic. "Fucking cops gotta know us by now. They've fucking got us. We can't fucking do this shit at Stark's anymore. Too many fucking people."

"Jesus, man. There's, like, no one here." Kenny snorted.

Tweek's eyes kept darting this way and that, and Kenny just wanted him to calm down, because it must have been hard to see how beautiful everything was when he was looking around so hurriedly. "What the fuck ever, man. Just do all the shit before someone fucks us. They're gonna fuckin' fuck us."

"Chirst, Tweek," Craig laughed. "You gotta chill. I always tell you, you should do more pot, less speed. You're already too fuckin' hyped up, man. Kenny, pass it over to him."

Kenny chuckled, handing the can over to the other blond. Right as Tweek took it, Kenny's phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it and looked at the caller ID.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

"You guys, you guys, shut up." Kenny hissed at his companions. Come on, McCormick, time to sober up, sober up quick now.

He answered it, cleared his throat, and put the phone to his ear. "Hey, princess."

"Kenny?" Karen's voice was a little urgent, and Kenny immediately regretted the clouds in his head, because her voice was beautiful, but it was not a lie. Her voice deceived nothing, there was only truth, and the truth hurt.

"Yeah, Karen, what's up?" Craig and Tweek suddenly burst into giggles amongst themselves, and Kenny quickly kicked Craig in the shin to stifle the noise.

"Kenny, are you with your friends?" Karen's voice went from urgency to disappointment, and Kenny felt a knot form in his stomach.

"Um, no, yeah, princess," Kenny stuttered, not even entirely aware of what he was saying. "We're just- I was just hanging out with them for a little bit. It's fine. It's fine. What- What's wrong, Karen?"

Karen grew quiet on the other line. "It's just... you haven't picked me up yet."

Shit. Shit shit fuck. What time was it? What day was it? Where even was she? He was... pretty sure it was a school day. School. She was at school. Fuck.

"Um, I-" He cut himself off to stand up, taking a few step away from Craig and Tweek, who were still quietly snickering to themselves. "I'm sorry, Karen. I was just- I got a little busy. I'll be there in a little bit. I promise. Okay? I'm sorry."

Karen paused again, and when she spoke up her voice was frightfully small. "Are we still going out to dinner?"

Kenny was confused for a moment, and he knew there was something more he couldn't remember but he just couldn't find it. He squinted his eyes in effort. "Dinner? I-"

"We were still gonna go out this year, right?" The urgency was back now. "I mean- you didn't forget today... did you?"

It suddenly all came crashing back to Kenny, and it hit so hard that he almost had to sit down again.

He suddenly remembered the reason that he had cut school to come to Stark's Pond with Craig and Tweek.

Fuck. Fuck. How much money did he have left? He thought he had remembered not to blow it all, but.... Aw, fuck it. It might not be enough for Bennigan's, but he at least could take her to McDonald's or some shit. It was a shitty fucking dinner out, but it was something.

"Yeah, Karen, we're still going. Of course. I'll come to get you. Are you okay right now? Are you cold?"

"I'm fine. Tina's mom is offering to let me wait at their house."

Kenny flinched inwardly. This wasn't the first time Karen's friend's mother had made the offer. That woman was a saint. He quickly made a mental note to repay her for it somehow, but knew that he would forget to just like all the times before. "Yeah. Go ahead and- yeah." He paused, running a hand through his hair. "Just don't go home, Karen. And don't stay at the school. Okay? Just... don't go home."

Kenny was met with silence. He sighed heavily, his mind all at once too blurry to function and way, way too clear. "I'll be there soon, Karen. Thirty minutes, at the most. Then we'll go out... we'll go out together. I promise."

There was another beat of silence, and then, "Okay, Kenny."

Kenny sighed again, leaning against a tree and rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Tell Tina's mom I said thank you, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay. I love you, princess."

"I love you too." After this, there was an immediate click on the line, and Kenny shoved his phone back in his pocket.

He was so stupid. He was so fucking stupid.

He turned back towards Craig and Tweek. "Hey, Craig."

Craig looked up at him, eyes even more bloodshot than before, now with a red nose to match. "What's up, man?"

"Can me and Karen crash at your place tonight?"

"Uhhh," Craig squinted, as if trying to remember something. "Yeah, whatever. Why?"

"I'll tell you later, man. I've gotta go."

Kenny could hear Tweek grinding his teeth even from where he was standing. "What? Why? What's happening? Who was that? Fucking Christ, fucking sit down, you're fucking making me nervous!"

"Jesus Tweek, calm the fuck down!" Craig pushed Tweek weakly, looking back up at Kenny. "He's right though, dude. You haven't even done a line yet. Come on, I went all the way to Denver for this shit."

Kenny hesitated, before grudgingly sitting back on the ground. He noticed a leaf there, and he picked it up for a moment.

He had sobered up a little, but the fine lines running through the dry, cracked plant still caught Kenny's eye. The delicate circuit of veins were still so perfect in their imperfection. But the colors looked less spectacular. It was brown, and brown was just brown, and as he crushed it in his hand and let the little pieces fall back onto the ground, death was just death.

He would still have time to pick her up. He just needed one line. Just one more hit. Just one chance to see the lies a little clearer, a little longer.

Because Kenny, more than anyone else, knew what a beautiful fucking lie death could be.

-_-_-_-

"Can you tell me more about that?"

Kyle fidgeted in his seat. "His name was Kevin. He died of an overdose. No one ever actually told us what it was. Rumors were it was heroin." Kyle paused for a while. "He was fifteen."

Gina looked down and shook her head slightly. "That's a shame."

"Yeah." Kyle said numbly. "I mean, none of us really knew Kevin that well. But I guess it was the first time something like that really hit close to home with us. And Kenny... well, obviously Kenny was...." Kyle trailed off. He could still remember where he was when his parents told him. He still remembered the day. About three weeks before his birthday. Four years ago.

Four years ago today.

"Kenny was just never the same." Kyle stopped, but Gina just looked at him expectantly. He didn't really want to go on, but he found himself continuing anyway. "He got into a big fight with Cartman at my Bar Mitzvah. After that, he just stopped hanging out with us."

Gina nodded slowly. "Do you know what the fight was about?"

Kyle shook his head. "No. Cartman never told me. After that, he kind of drifted away too. Me and Stan- we blamed him for chasing Kenny off. I don't even know if it was actually his fault anymore. But I guess he got sick of us treating him like shit, because eventually he just kind of stopped talking to us."

Gina wrote down some more notes. "And were you close with Eric?"

Kyle gave a wry laugh. "I don't know. Maybe."

Gina raised an eyebrow a little quizzically, and followed up with, "Do you want to tell me more about him?"

Kyle snorted. "Cartman? Yeah. He was an asshole."

-_-_-_-

Eric stared out the car window mindlessly, resting his chin on top of his hand. People entered and left his vision quickly as the car made it's way down the street, and Eric sighed heavily.

"Watcha thinkin' about?"

Eric scrunched up his face in annoyance and turned towards the driver's seat. "None of your fucking business, Butters."

The blond glanced over at Eric behind his glasses and just laughed. "Someone sure is crabby."

Cartman grumbled and looked back outside. "I'm just fucking sick of having to be driven to the goddamn grocery store by the most annoying person I know."

Butters smirked a little. "Eric, I'm startin' to think you don't like me."

"Fuck off."

"Aw, don't worry, buddy. Your guyses car's gonna get fixed eventually."

"It's been a fucking week." Eric scrunched up his face in thought. "Actually, scratch that. It has now been eight days. Eight days without a fucking car."

"Don't worry, Eric. I like helpin' you and Lianne out. You guys are like my second family."

Eric rolled his eyes. "You're a fucking dweeb."

"Yeah, at least I didn't just use the word 'dweeb' unironically."

Eric turned back to Butters slowly just in time to witness the shit-eating grin on his face. "Remember when we were kids, Butters? And you didn't fucking sass me every 10 seconds?" Eric asked, his words very precise.

"Mm hm."

"Yeah. I miss that."

Butters stopped the car at Eric's street, turning and smiling at him before turning down the road. "Yeah, well, times change, Toots."

"Jesus."

Butters turned in the driveway, switching off the car and hopping out. "Come on, sourpuss, we gotta unload these for your mom."

"You mean you have to unload these for my mom."

"Mm hm."

The two boys walked through the door with grocery bags in hand, and Eric called, "Mom, we're home."

Lianne peeked her head out of the kitchen. "Oh, good!"

Butters and Eric shuffled into the kitchen, setting the bags on the counter. Eric immediately reached into one of the bags, pulled out a soda, and sat down at the kitchen table. He cracked open the can as he watched Butters put away the rest of the groceries.

"Oh, thank you so much for helping us get groceries, Butters." Lianne continued, walking over to the sink. She had been loading the dishwasher, and continued doing so as she spoke. "You're such a gentleman."

Eric almost gagged as Butters laughed cheerfully in reply. "Oh, it's not a problem, ma'am! You know I love helping you and Eric out! Hope your car gets fixed soon though. Sure is a nuisance for you two."

"Butters, stop being a kiss-ass, no one wants to hear it."

"Eric! Be nice to your little friend!"

Butters just smiled again and turned to Lianne. "It's alright, ma'am! I know you _and_ Eric appreciate it."

The blond quickly shot a grin at Eric that seemed vaguely malicious. Eric sneered back at him.

"Well, Butters, since you helped out so nicely, would you like to stay for a while and I'll make you some dinner?"

"Aw, thanks, Lianne, you're such a sweetheart." Butters closed the fridge behind him as he put back the last of the groceries. "Sorry to say, though, I've already got plans at home. I've gotta get going now, actually. Thank you, though."

"Oh, that's fine, Butters." Lianne turned towards her son. "Eric, walk your little friend to the door."

Eric took a swig from his soda and slammed it down on the table. "Mom, he knows where the goddamn door is!"

"Eric!"

Eric muttered to himself heatedly as he stood up from his chair and all but pushed Butters towards the front door. Butters called out a farewell to Ms. Cartman over his shoulder as Eric lead him out.

Cartman grimaced, glaring at him as he stood in the doorway. "I can't believe nobody else has figured out what a little shithead you are."

"Well, gee, Eric." Butters pouted jokingly, backing out of the door. "I ain't a shithead. I'm just a gentleman."

Eric slammed the door in his face before he could say anything else. He sighed as he walked back into the kitchen and sat back down at his drink. Lianne hummed cheerfully as he took another sip.

"What a nice young man Butters is." She said absentmindedly, and Eric raised an eyebrow in her direction.

"You think so, huh?"

"Mm hm." Lianne replied. There was a pause before she continued. "And he gets more handsome every day."

Eric's soda shot out of his nose before he had a chance to stop it. "Mooooooooooooom!"

Lianne laughed and turned off the sink, wiping her hands dry on a dish towel. She turned towards her boy and gave him a kiss on the head. "I'm just kidding, schmoopsy."

"Ugh." Cartman wiped at his nose, pouting. "No you're not."

Lianne just giggled again, and Eric rolled his eyes. "So what do you want for dinner, Eric?"

"I don't know." Eric fussed with the tab on his soda can. "I'm not really hungry yet."

There was a long pause. "....Are you feeling alright, schmoopsy?"

"What?" Eric turned around in confusion to see a look of genuine concern on his mother's face. "I'm fine. What?"

"Well, it's just..." Lianne trailed off, shrugging slightly. "You're just usually hungry when you get home from school."

"...Shut up."

"Are you sure you're feeling okay, though?"

"'Ey!" Eric crossed his arms. "Just because I don't stuff my fat fucking face the second I get home doesn't mean I'm fucking dying."

"Well, no, but-"

Eric cut her off shortly. "I'm fine, Mom."

Lianne looked at her son, still not looking convinced. Eric met her eyes for a moment, but soon turned away to sheepishly take another sip of his soda. Lianne cocked her head to the side, frowning. But she eventually just walked over to her boy and rested a hand on his head. Eric flinched slightly, but didn't shy away.

"Eric, sweetie?" She started running her fingers through his hair comfortingly. "Do you want to see a movie tonight?"

Eric ran his finger around the rim of the soda can anxiously. After a second of silence, he sighed and closed his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

-_-_-_-

"I mean, pardon my French, but Eric just wasn't the kind of kid you got close to." Kyle continued, rubbing the back of his head. "I don't hear much nowadays, but it used to be you couldn't go one day without the whole town hearing about what a terror he was. These days, since we got into highschool, I've heard about him getting into fights once in a while. But other than that, he just kind of... fell out of our life."

Gina nodded. "I understand." She wrote down more in her notepad. "What about Stan?"

Kyle grew quiet. "Stan and I were really close." When his voice came out, it was nearly a whisper. "We stuck together a little over a year after Kenny and Cartman bailed." Kyle's arms instinctively tightened across his chest a little, and his fingers absently grasped at his own jacket. "We're not friends now."

Gina just looked at Kyle for a while, noticing Kyle's change in demeanor. He guessed it probably didn't take four degrees to notice that much.

"Would you like to tell me what happened?" She asked after a while, delivering her words very cautiously.

Kyle faltered. "Not now."

Gina just nodded understandingly. "Is there anything else you'd like to tell me about Stan?"

Kyle looked up at the clock on the wall. There wasn't enough time this session. There wasn't enough time in the world. He bit the inside of his cheek again, gaze falling to the floor.

"No."

-_-_-_-

"Hey, Marsh!"

Stan turned around in the parking lot, backpack slung over his shoulder, and slowed his pace slightly. The sun was bright, annoying, and he had to shield his eyes to catch a glimpse of Token running through the lot to meet him.

"What's up, Token?" Stan greeted, offering out a hand. As Token reached him, he high fived it, bridging the gap between them and briefly bumping shoulders before matching Stan's pace.

"You wanna give me a ride home, dude?" Token asked, walking with Stan to his car.

Stan snorted. "What? Why? What happened to your Jag?"

"I sold it." Token replied, smirking. "I'm getting a new one. My parents are taking me to the Porsche dealership in Denver tonight."

Stan laughed, shaking his head. "Yeah? Of fucking course you are. You probably don't even need the ride. You just wanted to brag to someone that you're getting a Porsche. You've probably got a fucking helicopter waiting to pick you up behind school."

"Yeah, yeah. So, you gonna give me that ride, or what?"

"That's cool, dude." Stan replied, fishing his keys out of his pocket. He clicked the unlock button, and the lights of his old, hand-me-down station wagon flashed. "Sorry it's no Jag. Or a Porsche."

"I think I'll live." Token laughed. They both hopped into the car, and Stan turned the ignition and began to pull out of the parking lot.

"It's not like I mind or anything," Stan began as he turned onto the road, "but why didn't you just ask Clyde for a lift?"

"That selfish prick?" Token mocked, grinning. "Guy's my best friend, but he would have told me to go fuck myself."

Stan scoffed in amusement. Token grew a little quiet though, and his smile fell slightly.

"I did want to ask you something, though." Token admitted.

Stan turned to him briefly, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah? What's up?"

"Are you feeling alright today?"

Stan clutched the steering wheel a little tighter. "Yeah, dude. Why?"

Token looked at him for a moment, then back at the road. "I don't know, man. You just seemed really distracted during practice today. You're usually the most focused out of any of us, and it didn't seem like your mind was on the plays."

Stan was quiet before attempting a nonchalant laugh. "Yeah, I guess man. I thought coach was gonna throttle me every time I fucked something up."

There was an awkward pause, and Token turned towards the driver's seat again. "Soooo? What's the verdict? What's going on?"

Stan was grinding his teeth slightly, but he simply shrugged. "I don't know, man. Just an off day. I didn't get much sleep last night." It was the truth. Not the whole truth, but the truth.

Token didn't reply, not seeming totally convinced, so Stan went on. "I'm good, Token. Trust me. I'm not gonna fuck us when it comes to game time."

Token shook his head. "It's not that. I mean, that would suck too, I guess, but I mean... we are friends, Stan. And I'm just saying, what I saw today during practice was weird. I just wanted to make sure everything was still chill."

Stan smiled slightly. "Thanks man. But everything's cool, I swear." Stan said it like it was nothing, but his stomach was beginning to churn, and his mouth felt dry. Token finally looked away from him, albeit doubtfully, with a noncommittal grunt.

After Stan dropped Token at home, the drive back to his house felt like hours. He had to turn on the radio, cautious to sit in the quiet with his own thoughts. When he got home, he went through the door in a hurry, briefly greeted his parents, and immediately retreated to his room. As soon as the door shut behind him, he sighed heavily. He slung off his backpack and jacket and immediately crashed back on his bed. He placed his hands over his face and started rubbing at his eyes.

He hadn't expected Token to know. It had been four years. And really, the day shouldn't hold that much significance to Token. Hell, if he really thought about it, it shouldn't have even mattered as much as it did to himself.

But it just really made Stan feel like shit when it felt like he was the only one that couldn't handle it.

When Stan just sat there thinking about it, everything got worse. To Stan, four years ago wasn't just the day that Kevin McCormick died. It was the day that everything had died. It was the day Stan had lost all hope. It was the beginning of the end. It was the grim omen to what he had become today.

He was such a selfish prick.

Stan pulled his phone out of his pocket, because goddamn he couldn't just think anymore, and he quickly pulled up Facebook and mindlessly thumbed through his feed. He wasn't even really reading anything. It was all just a blur of unimportant statuses, and stupid Instagrams, and tired internet jokes. But it was easier to do than think.

Stan wasn't sure how long he spent looking through Facebook posts until one caught his eye. He saw the name, "Leopold Stotch (Butters)," and paused over it. As he read through it, he grew tense.

It was directed at Kenny McCormick.

_""Hey buddy! I was just thinking about you today. I know we haven't had a lot of time to pal around lately, but you're always on my mind! :-) Hope we can catch up again real soon, Kenny. Tell Karen that Butters says hi!""_

Stan must have read it ten different times before finally dropping his phone off the bed like it had bitten him.

The only thing worse than feeling like he was only one affected by today was the crushing reminder that he wasn't.

And Butters.

Fucking Butters.

It was fucking awful, because Butters' words were so kind, and so gentle, and so genuine, but at the same time they were filled with lies. Lies that covered up dirty truths, and things that no one wanted to talk about.

Stan stared at his ceiling for several minutes, the post running through his head at a million miles and hour, before slowly turning his head towards his nightstand. The first thing he saw was a small orange bottle with a white cap.

He shouldn't have stopped taking his meds.

He sat up after a while and grabbed the bottle, unscrewing the cap and letting a single pill fall into the palm of his hand. He stared at it for a while before popping it in his mouth and swallowing it dry.

It had been a while, and it wasn't the right time, but it was all he could think to do and he just needed something. He closed the lid back up and set it back on the nightstand. He thought about getting back up and asking his mom about dinner, but he soon resigned himself to sinking slowly back into the bed. He curled up on his side and just closed his eyes.

Maybe he'd want to get up tomorrow.

-_-_-_-

"Kyle, I think we've made a lot a headway today." Gina said, extending her hand.

Kyle took it, and they shook hands in her doorway. "Yeah."

"I'd like to see you again next week, but I understand if you don't want to make an appointment now." As she spoke, she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a business card, handing it to Kyle. "Just give me a call, okay?"

Kyle took the card, smiling politely. "Thank you, Gina."

Kyle walked numbly out of the building, outside into the parking lot where his mom's car sat waiting for him. He sat in the passenger's seat, barely even giving his mom a glance before she started driving. The ride was silent for the first several minutes, until Sheila finally decided to speak up.

"How'd it go, Kyle?" She asked quietly.

"Fine." He answered, tone flat.

There was another long, awkward silence. "Do you think you'll want to see her again?"

Kyle stared out the side window, eyes going out of focus. "I don't know. Maybe."

Sheila didn't say anything else after that, and Kyle was grateful for that. He just stared blankly out the window the entire drive home, never focusing on anything, never trying to start up a conversation. He did feel kind of bad about it. He didn't want to be a dick.

Kyle just didn't want to talk anymore today.


	2. an ache i still remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _you said that you could let it go  
>  and that i wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know_

"Kenny, aren't you going to school today?" Karen chewed on the string of her ratty pink hoodie as she walked at Kenny's side.

Kenny scratched his head anxiously. "Yeah, princess. Just gonna be a little late, is all."

Karen looked down at her feet. "Sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"'Cause you're walkin' me to school. That's why you're gonna be late."

"Aw, no, Karen," Kenny smiled warmly and ruffled his sister's hair. "It's not your fault. It was my choice. This is more important."

Karen bit her lip, looking unsure. "You didn't have to, though. It's not that far to the school from Craig's house. I could have made it."

"I know you could have. I just wanted to walk you."

There was a long silence as they trudged along towards the school. Finally, Karen spoke again, her voice quiet. "Do you want me to go home tonight?"

It was an open-ended question with a purpose. There was so much understanding to her words, way too much understanding for a girl that was barely thirteen. Kenny swallowed roughly.

"I don't know yet, princess. Go to Tina's house after you get out of school. I'll call you."

Karen didn't say anything, but Kenny suddenly felt a gloved hand reach over to his and intertwine their fingers together. Kenny didn't have any gloves - whenever he got money for clothes, he usually only got the bare minimum of what he needed so that Karen could have the rest - and Karen's hands felt so warm, so he squeezed back gently as they went the rest of the way to school.

When they arrived, Kenny briefly looked up at the building and scanned the big, bold lettering that spelled out "South Park Elementary." Today, reading those words sent a pang of painful nostalgia through Kenny. It didn't happen all the time, but occasionally the feeling was difficult to avoid. It was hard not to fall into old childhood memories living in such a small town.

Kenny shook the feeling off, deciding to reminisce later, if at all. He gave Karen's hand one last squeeze before letting go and turning towards her. He crouched down slightly and placed a kiss on her forehead.

He ruffled Karen's hair as he straightened back up, giving her a smile. "Have a good day, princess. I love you."

The corners of Karen's mouth curled up as she started walking backwards towards the school doors. "Love you too!" She called back, turning around to run into the school. Kenny watched her until she disappeared through the double doors, then sighed. He pulled out his phone to check the time.

He didn't want to be at school, and being late only tempted him further to just skip out again, but Karen's earlier concern was making him feel guilty. He sighed again and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

If he started walking now, he would only be an hour late. At the very least, he figured it would kill some time.

-_-_-_-

Eric's was leaning his elbow lazily on his desk, and he stared down at his notes with his head resting upon his hand. He was fazing in and out of their teacher's lecture, and what started out as actual notes were slowly devolving into mindless swirls and squiggles on the paper. He sighed quietly to himself.

The noise caught the attention of the girl beside him, and she glanced over at him, an eyebrow raised. She leaned over closer to Eric, pushing a lock of black hair behind her ear.

"What's up with you?" She muttered, eyes still studying him carefully but head still turned to the front as to not alert their teacher.

Eric grunted quietly. "Nothing, Wendy."

Wendy grimaced slightly, looking unconvinced. "What happened to you last night?"

Eric glanced back at her now, a quizzical look on his face. "What do you mean?"

"Eric." Wendy rolled her eyes and sighed. "You said you were gonna text me when you and Butters were done. I was coming over to help you study. But I never heard from you, so...."

Eric blinked, then groaned. "Shit. I forgot."

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock." Wendy replied with a smirk. "What were you even doing?"

"I... I just got busy, okay?"

"Bullshit." Wendy answered immediately. "You were probably just hanging out with your mom again."

Eric couldn't stop the blush that rose to his cheeks, and Wendy snorted. This made their teacher pause and momentarily look across the classroom, as Eric and Wendy attempted to seem nonchalant. When the lecture was resumed, Eric began speaking again.

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" He whispered. "You can come over tonight."

Wendy scoffed in amusement. "Now you're apologizing? You sure you're feeling alright?"

Before Eric could reply, the sound of a door opening made everyone look up. Kenny McCormick stood in the doorway, flashing the room a cheeky smile before moving to sit down at his desk. Eric looked back down.

Their teacher gave him a disapproving look, muttering, "Nice of you to join us today, Mr. McCormick." She returned back to her lecture as Kenny sat down.

Eric felt his phone vibrate then, and he carefully pulled it out and looked at it under his desk. It was a text from his mom.

_""Hello, schmoopsy! I just got a call from the mechanic, and they said the car is all fixed and ready to pick up! Will you be a dear and pick it up on your way home from school for me? Mommy loves you!""_

Eric briefly grimaced at the sappy text, but then sighed in relief. Finally, he could have the car back. No more sitting through car rides with fucking Butters.

-_-_-_-

School was uneventful, as always. The only good thing that had happened all day was skipping out with Craig for an hour outside school property to smoke pot. Luckily, Kenny was still feeling a little buzzed while walking to South Park's only mechanic. His dad had been working there for a couple months now, one of the longest job streaks the man had had in a while. Kenny guessed it was because it was a job that didn't require much in the matter of social skills. Although he figured it was only a matter of time before the guy that ran the place realized that Stuart wasn't that great at fixing cars either.

Kenny got a chill and shoved his hands in his pockets. He just wanted to go home tonight. He really hated this time of year.

When he got to the mechanic's there was no one outside, so he went straight into the garage. As he stepped inside, he looked around cautiously, working his way around beer cans and various tools lying on the floor. South Park sure did house some classy places of business.

"Dad?" Kenny called out. He was answered with a grunt from the corner of the garage, and he looked over to see Stuart sitting in the corner in an old lounge chair, staring at a small TV and holding a beer.

Stuart only glanced at his son, quickly turning his attention back to the game on TV. "What?"

Kenny smirked to himself and said, "Shouldn't you be, like, fixing cars? I don't think Jack'd be happy seeing you drinking all his beer."

"Jack's not here," Stuart grunted. "And don't be such a fuckin' smartass." He took another swig of his drink and then turned to Kenny, still not turning off the television. "Where the fuck were you last night?"

"At a friend's house." Kenny answered quickly, fidgeting slightly while he stood. He wasn't too keen on the fact that no one was here but him and his dad, but he tried to shrug the feeling off.

"And Karen?"

"She was with me."

"Yeah? And where is she now?"

Kenny didn't answer.

Stuart just grunted again. "You weren't at school yesterday, either. They tried fuckin' callin' me again."

Kenny just stood silently, looking off to the side. Stuart glared at him for a moment, before cursing and standing up out of his chair. "Goddammit, Kenny, you fucking know I hate it when those bastards call me!" He flashed his eyes angrily at Kenny, waiting for a response from his son, but when the blond didn't give one he threw his beer can - apparently empty - at the wall. "Fuckin' pricks always fuckin' talk down to me. Think they can fuckin' tell me how to raise my own goddamn kids."

Stuart continued muttering heatedly, and Kenny just sighed quietly and bit the inside of his cheek. There were a million things he wanted to say, but the only words that made it out were, "Sorry, Dad."

"Don't fuckin' give me that." Stuart spat, taking a few strides forward to stand in front of Kenny. He glared down at his son, and Kenny continued to avert his gaze uncomfortably. "You're makin' a fuckin' laughingstock outta me. When you're out skippin' school, smokin' weed with all your fuckin' loser friends." He was getting angrier with every word, and he was close enough to Kenny's face that Kenny could smell the alcohol on his breath. 

He just had to hold his tongue. That's all he had to do.

"You're fuckin' worthless." Stuart continued, eyes flashing viciously. "You won't get a real fuckin' job to help support the family. All you do is fuckin' smoke dope and skip school! Meanwhile, the goddamn school keeps tryin' to get me in for a fuckin' meeting to talk about your grades when I don't got the fuckin' time. That's all you do, is cause trouble for me, Kenny! You don't fuckin' appreciate anything I do for you, and you walk around stirring shit up and makin' people think I'm a goddamn bum that can't control his own family!"

Kenny couldn't stop himself as he suddenly looked his father dead in the eye. "I'm pretty sure people started thinking that back when Mom left you."

Kenny had been expecting the blow as soon as he made the decision to open his mouth, so he was able to slightly brace himself for the impact. Still, his old man had a mean right hook.

It only took a moment for Kenny's head to clear, and when it did, he knew he had fucked up. There were some things he didn't like about this situation. Firstly, he definitely didn't like getting decked across the face. That was never good. It wasn't exactly a new sensation, however. What _was_ new was the fact that he had been decked across the face in broad daylight. Regardless of the fact that no one else seemed to be there, they weren't in the security of their own home. Stuart was a violent man, but up until now Kenny had thought he was cautious enough not to take a swing at his kids in public.

Kenny cupped his left cheek in his hand, looking up at his father's own face, contorted in rage. This was bad.

The corner of Stuart's mouth lifted up in a snarl, and he stared at Kenny, unblinking. "Where's your goddamn sister?"

This was really bad.

In any other situation, Kenny probably would have tried to fight back. But when he looked around at where they were, at his father's eyes, he was all too clearly realizing something that he had noticed for months - no, years - but had futilely tried to ignore.

Things were only getting worse.

Kenny started backing away from Stuart wordlessly, not ready to turn his back until he was nearly at the garage door.

"Don't fuckin' walk away from me, Kenny!" Stuart shouted at him, but remained still. Kenny had to bite back a scathing response before turning around and jogging the rest of the way outside.

Kenny stopped momentarily once he was there and quickly surveyed his surroundings. He wanted out. He couldn't be here one minute longer. But even in his desperation he didn't think just running out was the best option. It was a long walk back to anywhere secure, and an even longer walk to pick up Karen. There were two cars parked outside the building; his dad's pick-up, and another unfamiliar car that they had probably just finished working on in the shop. He couldn't take the truck. He didn't have the keys, and aside from that it would probably only make matters worse. And the other car was unoccupied, unsurprisingly, so that wouldn't work.

Fuck it. He'd just book it back to town. He started running towards the road begrudgingly, trying to figure out in his head what to do. His dad hadn't tried following him yet, so he would probably be safe to at least make it a little ways down to a main road. Then maybe he could call someone to pick him up, and then he could-

He was already a good ways past the two parked cars when the sound of a car horn interrupted his thoughts, making him stop abruptly and look back towards the shop. The lights were flashing on the other car. As he looked a little further back, he could see someone coming out of the office. It wasn't his dad. It was whoever owned that car. After the cars were finished, they always just left the keys in the office. In a small town, people just went right in to get them without bothering to talk to the mechanics. Whoever it was must have passed Kenny and Stuart while they were in the garage.

Kenny almost sighed in relief, and started to jog slowly back to the cars to see if it was someone who would give him a ride.

He only made it a few feet before stopping dead again.

It was Cartman. It was Eric fucking Cartman.

Out of all the people in South Park. It was Eric fucking Cartman.

Kenny took a small step back, ready to retreat again. Eric hadn't seen him yet. He was looking at his phone as he walked to his car, not paying attention to the blond standing a few yards away.

Just as Eric reached the car, Kenny saw Stuart poke his head out of the garage. The man looked around outside with a furrowed brow. He could have just been looking to see who had been in the office. Or he could have been looking for Kenny.

Kenny's eyes darted back and forth between his father and Eric, trying to quickly make a decision. It was only as Eric opened his car door that Kenny bolted back towards the parking lot.

It had to be better than nothing.

-_-_-_-

Eric shoved his phone back in his pocket as he sat down in the car. He turned the key in the ignition, turned slightly to grab his seatbelt, and when he turned back there was suddenly another person sitting in the passenger seat.

"What the f-" Eric startled slightly, not even able to process who it actually was at first, only noticing the intrusion. But then features began to put themselves together like a puzzle in his head, and he just gaped for a moment as the gears began to turn. Blond hair. Blue eyes. Smelled like fucking weed.

And, impossibly, he was still wearing that goddamn orange parka.

" _Kenny_?" The name was familiar on his lips, and yet at the same time it seemed completely foreign.

Kenny only barely glanced over at him, quickly turning his gaze out the front window. "I need you to drive me. Now."

"What?" Eric was still stunned, unable to focus properly due to the fact that Kenny McCormick was sitting in his car. "What are you- Where do you even need to g-"

Eric cut himself off when Kenny looked back at him, his eyes desperate. "Drive. _Please_."

Eric more or less snapped back into the present, and now he could see Kenny clearly, hunching into himself like he was trying to disappear into his own parka. His eyes were darting around quickly, and he kept looking up at the rearview mirror back at the garage behind them. When Eric looked back, all he could see was Kenny's dad retreating back inside.

Eric had no idea what was going on, but he was smart enough to take a guess.

"Uh, I-" Eric fumbled at the wheel, trying and failing twice to grab at the gear shift and pull it into reverse. "Yeah, okay."

As he pulled out of the space and began to make his way towards the road, he could see Kenny not taking his eyes off the rearview mirror, keeping an eye on the garage for as long as it could be seen. When it was out of sight, Kenny sighed quietly and slumped back in his seat.

Eric let him sit quietly for a moment before clearing his throat. "Uh, where are you going? Should I- I mean, are you going home?"

"No." Kenny's voice wasn't exactly urgent, but it was quick and biting. "I... I have to pick up Karen. Drive like you're going to South Park Mall, then I'll tell you where to go from there." Kenny reached into one of his pockets and fumbled around for a second before pulling out his phone. "Sorry, I, uh, have to call someone real quick."

"Uh, okay, that's...." Eric's voice trailed off as Kenny dialed the number and put the phone to his ear. He glanced over at the blond briefly before clutching the steering wheel tightly and turning back to the road. Christ. This all felt so fucking surreal.

"Craig. I need your help." Kenny turned towards his side window slightly, as if trying to shield the conversation away from Eric. "...Fuck, Craig- no, it's Kenny."

Eric found himself grinding his teeth slightly, and he brought up one of his hands to run it through his hair. A blush was involuntarily rising to his cheeks, an embarrassing result of how awkward the situation was. He realized that it wasn't even because of the tumultuous past between them. Their friendship, their separation, the fact that they hadn't really spoken to each other in years. It wasn't really about that. The fallout had been so long ago, that the emotions had gone stale. The staleness is what was making things unbearable.

Eric realized that it had been so long since he and Kenny had last spoken, barely even giving each other glances at school or in town, that now it was just normal. The bad blood had all dried up, and now it was just natural. Cartman and Kenny were no longer friends, and that was that. This was just the equivalent of having a complete stranger suddenly hitch a ride with him.

He wasn't sure if that made the situation better or worse than it could have been.

"Craig, shut the fuck up for a minute." Kenny, meanwhile, was just struggling to keep Craig focused on the other line. The volume on his phone was pretty loud, so if Eric really listend, he could hear what Craig was saying. "Craig, me and Karen need to stay over again."

Eric heard Craig scoff loudly. "No fucking way, man. I can't do that two nights in a row. You know how much you've been pissing my parents off lately. They'd probably fuckin' call the cops if they saw you here again."

"Fuck." Kenny ran a hand through his hair. "Craig, please. We need somewhere to stay. Just one more night. I can-"

"Look, dude, it's not like I don't want to. I'm telling you, my parents are gonna fuckin' kill both of us if we're not careful. And that goes for Tweek, too, so don't even bother calling him. You know his parents fucking hate you even more than mine do." Craig paused, but Kenny remained silent, staring out the passenger window. Craig sighed over the phone. "Look, I'm sorry, man. I wish I could help you out."

It was Kenny's turn to sigh. "Whatever. I'll figure something out."

"Sorry." Craig repeated. "I gotta go now. I'll talk to you later." The phone clicked, but Kenny kept it next to his ear for a long time.

Eric waited awkwardly, somehow feeling like the intruder in this situation despite the fact that he was basically car jacked, but finally had to speak up. "Uh, Kenny? We're almost at the mall."

"Huh?" Kenny finally let the phone drop into his lap, and he pushed down the hood of his parka and looked around outside. "Oh. Uh, take a right at the third light up here."

"Okay...." Eric glanced back over at him, and his stomach turned slightly as he saw the large bruise already forming on Kenny's left cheek. "What the fuck happened to you?" He hadn't meant to ask it so abruptly, and he didn't even know why he felt the need to ask in the first place. Rumors flew fast around the small town of South Park, and he had a feeling that he already knew.

Kenny scoffed a little incredulously, as if he also doubted Eric's supposed ignorance to his homelife. "I fell." He answered sarcastically.

Eric wasn't sure how to reply to that, so he fell quiet as he followed Kenny's directions and took a right down the road.

"At the second light, take a left." Kenny instructed flatly. 

An awkward silence filled the car again before the blond eventually sighed and looked over at Cartman. "Look, dude, I'm sorry I just kind... barged in, I guess." His words came out slowly, like he was trying to pick them carefully. "I just- Karen's waiting for me to get her, and I didn't want her to wait any longer." Eric took a left down the next road. "This street ends in a culdesac eventually. Just keep going until you get to the end."

Eric nodded, then swallowed hard before he spoke. "It's fine, I guess. It's not like this is that out of the way."

Kenny looked over at Eric and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?" Eric could feel his gaze lingering on him for a while, and he bristled underneath the blond's scrupulous stare. Kenny remained silent for a while, studying Eric, as if he was searching for something that he couldn't quite find. He finally looked away, and Eric relaxed slightly. "Well, thanks."

After driving for a few more minutes, they finally reached the end of the road, and Kenny pointed to one of the houses. "It's this one right here. You can just pull up to the side."

Eric complied silently and rolled the car to a stop in front of the driveway. There was a pregnant pause before Kenny began speaking again, clearing his throat loudly.

"Well..." He spoke slowly, and cautiously, and Eric knew he was trying to decide what kind of words were good to use in this situation, because he was thinking the same thing. Finally, seeming to be at a loss for anything else, Kenny finished with, "Thanks again."

He didn't make a move to unbuckle his seatbelt right away, uncomfortably lingering for a moment. The tension was thick, too much so for such a small space. Eric felt smothered, like he was choking on all the words he could be saying, but he felt like there was nothing to be said at all. It was like he felt obligated to wait for something to happen, but he didn't know what, nor could he ascertain what the point or end goal would be to letting it happen.

Kenny finally managed to unlock his seatbelt, perhaps finding it difficult to move in the heavy air, and suddenly Eric thought about his conversation on the phone with Craig. His stomach turned slightly.

Kenny opened the car door, but before he could get out Eric turned towards him and blurted out, "Kenny." The blond stopped immediately, looking back at the other boy with a puzzled, furrowed brow. As soon as their eyes met, Eric cast his downwards. "Look, I-" He was stuttering slightly, and he had to stop and sigh in exasperation at himself. "I, uh. Do you guys... need a place to stay tonight?"

There was no need for Kenny's reply, or the second question to follow it. Kenny expression immediately fell into something pained and withered, and he carded a hand through his hair and let his head fall back against the seat.

"You don't have to do that." From anyone else, the statement would have sounded apologetic or even sheepish, but Kenny laid out the words flatly, almost angrily. He seemed offended, like Eric was just giving him a handout out of pure pity, rather than a sense of goodwill.

What really stung was how Kenny wasn't that far off. Still, Eric persisted. "It's fine. I mean, if it's just for the night, I mean... whatever." A delayed feeling of defensiveness at Kenny's stand-offish reply suddenly washed over him, and with a sarcastic tone he added, "I mean, I didn't mean to listen in to you and Craig, seeing as you two were having a conversation in _my_ fuckin' car, but it seemed like you and Karen didn't have anywhere to go tonight. So...."

Eric let his words rest warily in the air, and Kenny sighed and closed his eyes. He then looked over to the house they were parked in front of. He sat, unmoving, staring at the house for a long time.

When he turned back towards Eric, he was looking anywhere but directly at him. "Thanks." The word sounded like it was painful to get out. He was just reading lines from a page, obligated to say these things and to act courteously. "I really appreciate it. I'll just go get her."

As he finally got out of the car and trudged up to the doorstep, Eric immediately felt a drop in the pit of his stomach.

He shouldn't have even made the offer.

-_-_-_-

Cartman walked through his front door, and the relief of finally being over with the awkward car ride quickly vanished when he saw Wendy Testaburger and Butters Stotch casually sitting on his couch - eating _his_ fucking food and watching _his_ fucking TV.

He wasn't sure if he was more horrified at what he soon had to explain, or more annoyed that they were both sitting there with smug grins on their faces when they turned towards him, as if it was their job to rattle him.

"Hey, loser." Wendy greeted immediately. "Your mom's not here right now. She went out a couple minutes ago to drop off a casserole dish with the neighbo-"

Wendy cut herself off as Eric cautiously took a step inside, inadvertently revealing the two ratty-looking kids behind him. Kenny looked into the living room with a sheepish expression, while Karen half-hid behind her brother, cautiously taking in the house and the people currently occupying it.

Wendy's upbeat demeanor had immediately fallen, but conversely, Butters had lifted off the couch and swept across the room in a matter of seconds.

"Kenny!" He greeted cheerfully, immediately pulling the boy into a hug. Eric saw Kenny stiffen a little bit at first, but then he just smirked at Butters' quick friendliness and relaxed slightly. "It's good to see you again, buddy!"

Kenny hadn't exactly returned the embrace, but he snorted quietly and lifted up an arm to awkwardly pat the other blond on the back a few times. "Hey, Butters."

Butters broke away from the hug, but kept his hands on Kenny's shoulders, holding him at arm's length and continuing to beam. "What are you doing here, Kenny?"

"Uh, me and Karen just needed a place to stay tonight. I ran into Cartman and he offered, so...."

Butters continued to smile at him, and happily replied, "That's great! Now we can all pal around tonight! It really is great to see you again, seein' as I've had a real tough time gettin' ahold of you lately."

Cartman had to fight the urge to cringe at the statement. It seemed harmless enough, but Eric knew that it was as close and Butters would get to calling someone out on their bullshit. Butters was probably the most annoyingly nice person Eric had ever met, but he guessed he only had himself to blame for the fact that throughout the years, Butters had mastered the art of making people feel like shit without having to say a single word. It would be an understatement to Eric's personality to say that he didn't take direct criticism well. And that he was kind of an asshole. He guessed at a certain point in their friendship, not only did he rub off on Butters, but the kid had developed a Rain-Man-level of skill for digging into people's heads and pulling out their insecurities and apprehensions, with nothing more than a few kind words and a smile. When he had to be, the kid was a walking guilt trip.

Eric could see that it was working on Kenny now, because he just kind of stuttered and looked sheepishly down at the ground in response. But Eric didn't have time to watch the conversation pan out, because suddenly a hand had jerked out and grabbed him by the collar.

Eric looked over just in time to see Wendy carefully glaring daggers at him, briefly mumbling "Eric, can I talk to you in the kitchen?" before hauling him into the other room. Eric just kind of went with it, not really putting up a fight as she shoved him into the kitchen. But it wasn't like it was because he was afraid of a girl almost a full foot shorter than him. That wasn't it at all.

Wendy seemed confident enough that Butters could keep Kenny busy for a while, but she still whispered slightly when she spoke. "What the fuck is this, Eric?"

"I... it-it's Kenny!" He stammered back defensively. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"I mean what the fuck is he doing _here_?"

"He... he just needed a place to stay for tonight."

"And you offered to let him stay with you?" Wendy questioned in disbelief, hissing. "What, are you two suddenly best friends again?"

"No!" Eric felt a little weird answering that so quickly, and he uncomfortably looked off to the side.

Wendy continued to stare at him in disbelief, and she sighed in exasperation when Eric refused to say anything else. "Look, Eric, excuse me for being a little taken aback by this, but this isn't exactly a normal occurrence."

"I know, Wendy. Look, why do you even care so much anyway?"

"Because, Eric! Kenny's...." She trailed off, looking like she was trying to choose her words carefully. "He's a different person... than he used to be. You know that, Eric. He fucking cuts school every other day to do drugs out at Stark's Pond. I don't think it's a great idea to just fucking invite him into your home on a whim. We-" She cut herself off, making an exasperated sound and looking at the ground. " _You_ shouldn't be dredging up old memories."

Eric ignored the correction she had made to her words, because he knew what she was thinking and that was a whole other subject he didn't want to get into. He just started rubbing his temples and sighed. "Look, Wendy, I went to go pick up the car, and he literally just jumped into it and asked me to drive. It's not like I fucking invited him in anywhere. And his shitty stoner friends won't let him stay at their houses, and he and his sister needed somewhere to go. I think he's having issues with his dad, okay? Like... what the fuck was I supposed to do? Just say, 'Oh, too bad, see you later'?" Wendy looked like she was about to say something, but then she just crossed her arms and looked off to the side, sighing. "Look, it's fine, Wendy. I know... everything, okay? I know why it's weird. But it's just for tonight." He spoke the last sentence slowly, punctuating each word.

"Whatever." Wendy muttered. She looked back at Eric seriously, with something close to worry in her eyes. "Just don't get yourself into something you can't get back out of."

"I know, I know." Eric replied impatiently, getting a little annoyed. "I'm not a fuckin' kid. I can take care of myself."

"Bullshit." The was a pause for a moment before Wendy uncrossed her arms and shrugged slightly. "Do you even want me to help you study still?"

"Uh, I don't think it's a really good idea now. Whatever, I'll just fail." Wendy rolled her eyes so far back that it looked like it hurt. "Look, I just feel like everyone here right now is a little... much." Eric peeked around Wendy to look out into the living room. Butters, Kenny, and Karen were all on the couch now. Butters was talking to Karen about something, and both seemed overly content in comparison to Kenny, who had grown even more uncomfortable since Eric and Wendy had left the room. Eric wasn't sure if it was because of his and Wendy's absence, or due to whatever psychological warfare Butters may or may not have been currently implementing on him. Eric cringed slightly. "And take Butters with you. I think he's being an asshole. I can't really tell, but he's fuckin' weirding me out."

Wendy just rolled her eyes again. "Just talk to me tomorrow, okay?" She turned back with a flip of her hair and walked out of the kitchen, with Eric trudging slowly behind her.

"Butters." Wendy walked up to the blond in question and looked down at him meaningfully. "Let's go, we're gonna go catch that movie."

Butters wasn't an idiot, and he was usually pretty good at picking up subtleties, so Eric could only assume devious intent when Butters smiled up innocently at Wendy and asked "Which one are you talkin' about?"

"Butters, get out of my fucking house." Eric interjected, glaring at him. "i don't even know why you're here in the first place."

"Oh, okay Eric." Butters smiled up at him, and stood up to begin following Wendy out to the door. "Bye Karen! Bye Kenny! Keep in touch, okay?"

Butters was out the door first, while Wendy awkwardly hesitated in the doorway. She managed to mumble a "It was nice seeing you, Kenny," before zipping outside and shutting the door behind her.

There was a long pause after the door had closed, and eventually Kenny coughed quietly and turned towards Cartman. "Did we, uh, interrupt something?"

Eric scoffed, and began taking off his jacket. "God, no." He threw the coat mindlessly on the ground. "Just two fucking lunatics breaking into my house. No big deal."

-_-_-_-

When Lianne had returned home, she was surprisingly overjoyed to see Kenny and Karen there. She gushed over how big the two had gotten while Cartman whined loudly from the corner for her to stop, and had immediately been more than happy to let them stay the night. She offered them dinner, which Kenny had vehemently denied, saying he didn't want to be any trouble, that he wasn't hungry and he could get something for Karen on his own, but Lianne had eventually prepared something for both of them anyway.

Kenny and Cartman didn't speak that much for the rest of the night. The last full sentence that Eric uttered to him before retiring to his own room was that the couch pulled out and that Kenny and his sister could sleep there.

Kenny was sitting up in the pull-out mattress now, messing with his phone anxiously, once in a while peeking over at Karen beside him, who already seemed to be drifting off into sleep. Kenny felt too keyed up to sleep. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. Open arms, a home cooked meal, and a warm bed to sleep in should have been a godsend, but he just felt like a stranger. Like a crazy old bum brought in from the cold as an act of hospice, pitied for his entire way of life until he could finally be put out of his misery. The pain that still throbbed from the left side of his face reminded him of that, that he was only brought here out of pity. He felt like an ass seeming so ungrateful for all that Lianne had done for them that night, but then again, Lianne wasn't the problem. It was Cartman.

Kenny's face twitched slightly, partly out of pain but partly because he was itching. His anxiety was rising the more he thought about today, about everything, and he just didn't want to think anymore.

He didn't have anything on him, nor did he think he could actually stomach sneaking outside to smoke on the Cartman's property even if he did have something. It would be stupid to go to Craig at this time of night just for a hookup, but still... the thought was tempting. Just to have _anything_ , to be able to stop over thinking the entire situation, about his dad, about Lianne, about Eric-

"Kenny?" A small voice beside him made him snap back to reality and he looked down to see Karen's eyes open, looking up at him.

"What's wrong, Karen?" Kenny put his phone down, reaching out a hand to lightly brush a lock of hair out of her face.

"Nothing," Karen answered quietly, looking away suddenly. "I was just wondering... are you and Cartman friends again?"

When her eyes met back with Kenny's, he wasn't sure what to say. "It's... we're just staying the night, Karen. It's not a big deal."

"But why's he letting us stay here if you aren't friends anymore?" Karen looked a little frustrated as she spoke, as if the situation was obvious. "Cartman's never been that nice before. Why would he start now?"

Kenny wasn't about to unleash all his paranoid insecurities onto his little sister, so he just sighed. "I don't know."

Karen was quiet for a while. "I guess everyone changes eventually," she remarked thoughtfully. It could have been something directed at herself, but the fact that Kenny knew she was wise beyond her years made him a little cagey, and he just felt worse.

"Go to sleep, princess," he said, sighing again. "You've got school in the morning."

"You do too."

"I know," Kenny replied, and with that he turned off his phone. "See? I'm gonna sleep too."

Karen looked unconvinced, but her eyes started to droop again as Kenny settled down beside her. "Okay," she said finally, closing her eyes. "Night, Kenny."

Kenny laid down, staring up at the ceiling, not moving as he felt Karen softly take hold of his hand and interlace their fingers together. "G'night."

Kenny spent the next few hours with the same blank stare directed upwards, the fine lines and wrinkles of the ceiling blurring into each other as he tried to will the ever-present itch away. And if he clutched his sister's hand a little tighter before exhaustion eventually overtook him, it was only because Karen was the one that needed it.


	3. drain the pressure from the swelling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _give me a long kiss goodnight  
>  and everything will be alright  
> tell me that I won't feel a thing_

Kenny and Cartman had already dropped Karen off at school the next morning, and were on their way to their own school when Kenny suddenly turned towards Eric in the driver's seat.

"Hey, Cartman? Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

Kenny bit at his thumb nail absently. "Are you and Wendy dating?"

Kenny honestly hadn't meant to ask while Eric was taking a sip out of the thermos of coffee his mom had given him before they left, but it made the question all the more worth asking.

Eric sputtered, trying to wipe off the spilled coffee from his jacket. "What? No!"

"Really?" Kenny raised an eyebrow at him.

"N-no!" Kenny felt a dim sense of relief that Eric still acted like the same, hilarious mess whenever he got embarrassed. "Why?"

"Because everyone thinks you are?" He posed the phrase as a question, confused at how Cartman could have missed something so obviously whispered about in the school halls. The two had grown very close during their freshman year, seemingly overnight, and ever since then their relationship had been up for question amongst the student body.

Kenny himself had doubted it, at first. But as the years passed, he supposed it could be in the realm of possibility. Obviously Wendy was smart, pretty. A little bossy, but other than that an all-around nice girl. As for Cartman... Kenny couldn't attest to his personality now, as he had grown somewhat quiet the past couple years and difficult to read seeing as they weren't on speaking terms. He looked okay enough, though. He had grown out of being the poster boy for childhood obesity, if only because he had shot up almost a foot during their sophmore year. He was a huge guy, definitely a few inches taller than Kenny, who was almost six feet tall himself, and probably had at least 50 pounds over him as well. Kenny knew a lot of girls liked the big, "teddy bear" type of guys, although he sincerely doubted Cartman was truly a "teddy bear" in practice.

"I-" Eric was still stammering slightly, and his darted back and forth between Kenny and the road before he could finally focus. "We're just friends."

Kenny kept an eyebrow raised at him before shaking his head and looking back out the window. "I still don't get it."

Eric bristled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means up until high school you two fucking hated each other's guts," Kenny replied, laughing dryly. "Everyone just figured you guys started fuckin'."

Eric didn't say anything, and Kenny glanced back to see his face red and flustered as he continued to drive. Kenny figured there was more to the story, but he knew he wasn't in the right to be asking, nor was he really that interested. He decided to change the subject.

"Thanks again, by the way. For letting us stay the night. And dropping Karen off," he said, a little awkwardly. "I'll get you back. Buy you guys dinner or something." An empty promise. The tone of his voice communicated that quite clearly.

Still, Eric suddenly rolled his eyes. "It's fine. I think we can live without eating off the Taco Bell value menu."

Kenny's first reaction was that of annoyance, but then another feeling followed that was a little more difficult to grasp. Ever since he had gotten into Eric's car yesterday, they had treated each other like strangers. Which, in all honesty, they were. Eric had been appropriately quiet and subdued--although not exactly polite--as one would expect anyone to treat a person who couldn't even be called an acquaintance. And yet, here they were, driving to school together, and having a conversation, albeit benign and a bit forced. And Cartman had just been an asshole to him.

It was familiar. Kenny realized that it was also a little bit comforting, in a strange way.

Kenny snorted slightly, looking back out the window. "Whatever, man. I'm just offering."

-_-_-_-

"Kyle? Kyle!"

Kyle suddenly snapped back into reality at the sound of his name. He realized he had just been staring down at his shoes, sitting down at the stairs leading up to the main door of the school. He looked over to his side, where Nichole was sitting, still a little disoriented.

"Huh?"

Nichole pouted slightly at him. "I've been talking to you this whole time. You weren't listening, were you?"

"Oh, um," Kyle stammered, sheepishly scratching the back of his head. Shit, he could never stay focused this early in the morning. "Sorry. What did you say?"

Nichole sighed, but interlocked their arms together and leaned against him. "I was asking what you what you thought we should wear to homecoming."

"Oh." Kyle replied dumbly. "Well, uh, I don't know. Did you want us to match or something?"

"I don't know. I think it would be cute."

"Okay." There was an awkward pause, and he could tell Nichole was still feeling disgruntled, so he laughed nervously. "Sorry, Nichole. You know I'm not good at this kind of stuff. Like... fashion, I guess?"

Nichole chuckled. "I don't even know how you dress yourself in the morning. What the hell were you gonna wear if you weren't going with me?" She expectantly looked up at him.

"I dunno. A suit?"

"Yeah, but what kind?"

Kyle looked back at her, utterly dumbfounded. "Uhh. The kind that's... a suit?"

Nichole snorted and rolled her eyes, leaning her head against Kyle's shoulder. "Christ, you're hopeless. I'll tell you what. I'll just pick out a dress for myself, and then I'll get you a tie the same color."

"Sounds good."

They still had a little time left before they had to get to class. They usually did this, meeting up at school a little early to hang out before they had to start. They didn't have very many of the same classes this semester, and Nichole had an after-school job she was at for most of the week, so this was often the only time they had.

Kyle and Nichole had been dating for almost two years. She was Kyle's first real girlfriend, and she had always been the one thing that made things better. It was nice to have someone there, almost always within arm's reach; someone that made him want to do things, someone that loved him.

He squeezed a little closer to her, instinctively, and just stared into the parking lot until something finally caught his eye.

An SUV pulled into one of the spaces, looking vaguely familiar, but merely that hadn't grabbed Kyle's attention until he saw the passenger door open.

It was the same loud, bright orange parka, the same one he wore every day, and although Kyle knew it was physically impossible to be the same one he wore when they were younger, it was still the same thing. Seeing Kenny wasn't that much of a shock, there was no way to not see his old friends every day in such a small town, at the same school. So he was used to it. But then he finally realized why the SUV Kenny stepped out of looked so familiar, and when Eric Cartman's head popped out of the driver's side door, Kyle's stomach dropped.

Kyle just watched them, shock-still, following with his eyes as they crossed the parking lot. They were almost completely silent up until they suddenly broke off without a word, Eric making his way towards the front entrance and Kenny slipping off to go around the back, probably to stop with his other friends along the way to sneak in something illegal before school started.

They hadn't said a word to each other as they walked up, Kyle could see that. They hadn't said a word, and they hadn't bothered to stick together, but the fact was that it had been almost four years since everything happened. Four years since the two had gotten into a screaming fight at Kyle's Bar Mitzvah and had successfully begun the fragmentation of their foursome.

Four years, and now suddenly they were driving to school together like it was no big fuckin' deal.

Kenny had already slunk out of sight, so Kyle followed Cartman as he made his way towards the school, looking down at the ground.

Kyle didn't know how to feel, how to think, or what to do. He had the ridiculous compulsion to stride over to Cartman and deck him across the head, like a scared animal attacking out of a fight-or-flight response. But what would that accomplish? Give him an answer? No. Help him find out what the fuck he was actually feeling? Probably not. Be really, really satisfying, even after all these years? Maybe a little.

"...yle? Kyle!"

A small shove at him side pulled Kyle back into reality again. His head jerked back over to Nichole, who had put some space in between them and was looking at Kyle with a frown, eyes snapping in annoyance.

"You spaced out again, didn't you?" She sighed, rolling her eyes at the dumbstruck look on Kyle's face.

"Oh, I-" Kyle vaguely realized that Cartman had made it to the stairs and was walking up behind Nichole. Kyle didn't look up at him. He didn't want to find out if Cartman was looking back. "I-I'm sorry." Kyle stammered, sheepishly raking a hair through his hair. "What were you saying?"

Nichole only sighed again, and grudgingly fell back into her previous position, burying her face in Kyle's shoulder. "It's nothing." She grunted, exasperated. Shortly after, when Kyle didn't reply, dumbstruck at what to say, he heard her softly mutter, "I don't know what the hell's up with you lately."

Kyle closed his eyes and carded his hand through his hair again, hanging his head and tapping a finger against his scalp anxiously. He cringed slightly when he heard the bell ring behind them.

It was okay if Nichole didn't know. It wasn't fair to blame her for it, seeing as Kyle had no idea either.

-_-_-_-

"Nah way, man. They gotta be fucking." Craig took a drag from his cigarette, exhaling back out as he leaned against the wall of the school, trails of smoke framing his face.

Kenny just shrugged, breathing in on his own cigarette before speaking. "I don't know, man. It's not like I think he wouldn't lie to me, it's just the Cartman I know would be all over bragging about that shit. I mean, a pretty girl like Wendy? Seems like he would be screaming it through the halls." Kenny glanced over at the boy in black next to him, smirking slightly. "What about you, Pete? Got anything to add?"

Pete sighed heavily, flipping his fringe out of his eyes. "I don't know, I don't really give a shit." He grumbled. "I wish you guys wouldn't hang out here just to talk about all your preppy bullshit gossip. I already try hard enough to ignore it the rest of the day."

Kenny smirked in his direction. "We love you too, Pete."

School had already gotten out, and they were all hanging out behind the school by a low-traffic part of the building. It had become something of a bad habit for Kenny, Craig, and Tweek to back here after classes got out, to bum smokes from Pete and shoot the shit until they either moved on elsewhere or went their separate ways. Pete hadn't changed much since they were kids, stoic and somber as always, but he hadn't seemed to mind the intrusions ever since Henrietta and Michael graduated. That's how Kenny saw it, anyway. At the very least, he almost always gave them cigarettes when they asked.

Pete rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Could you at least tell your fucking loser friend to stop playing watch dog over there? He's really fucking annoying."

Kenny glanced over at the other blond in question, who was anxiously tapping his fingers against the wall a couple feet away from them, eyes darting around the area. He looked like he had already taken something. Kenny hadn't seen him do it, but it was obvious.

Tweek gritted his teeth, looking back at the others. "I wish you guys wouldn't do this here. We're gonna get fucking expelled. Or worse, arrested. Or both! Gah, Jesus, my parents would fucking kill me!"

"Nobody cares, you fucking crackhead." Pete said slowly, punctuating every word. "Nobody's ever given a shit and no one ever will."

Kenny shot Pete a look, silently telling him to give the poor fuck a break. Pete scoffed, but quieted up and took a long drag from his cigarette.

There was a brief pause before Craig spoke up again. "Anyway, sorry about yesterday, Kenny."

Kenny looked down at the cigarette in his hand, watching as a flick of his fingers sent a small column of ash falling to the ground. "It's fine, dude. I get it. We managed, anyway."

"Yeah, well..." Craig trailed off, and Kenny purposely didn't look up to meet his eyes as they undoubtedly scanned the blond's face. The bruises weren't half as bad as they sometimes got, but it didn't change the fact that they were noticeable. Kenny had probably spent half the day noticing students and teachers alike unable to maintain eye contact. Craig continued his thought after an awkward silence. "If you still need somewhere to crash, I think I can get you in tonight without any problems." Another pause. "Or I can at least let Karen come home with me. My parents don't mind her and Ruby hanging out."

Kenny kept his eyes glued to his burning cigarette, considering the offer. "Nah. I think we're okay tonight." Kenny lifted his head back up to shoot a sheepish grin at his friend, who was looking back at him with a furrowed brow. "Besides, I don't, uh, really like being apart from Karen at night. I'd rather we stick together."

Craig kept looking at him, unsure, and Kenny had to glance back down. He heard Craig sigh quietly and say, "Whatever you say, man. Do you at least want me to drive you?"

Kenny sighed back, finally flicking away the cigarette in his hand, burned down to the filter. He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked some dirt over the refuse. "Nah. I think I'll walk." He started to walk away then, not feeling like lingering to see what kind of uncomfortable, worried looks Pete and Tweek were sporting.

Craig piped up again, calling over Kenny's shoulder, making him pause and turn around slightly. "Hey, man, call me later if you need something."

That "something" could have meant many things, but Kenny just shrugged and waved his hand dismissively. 

"Don't worry about it, Craig." He answered back, turning back and continuing away. "It's fine."

-_-_-_-

"What do you mean you're not going?" Wendy was laying on Cartman's bed, head propped up in her hands and legs swaying absent-mindedly in the air. When he turned around, sitting across the room at his computer desk, she was glaring at him.

Eric scowled at the sight and turned back around. "I mean I'm not going. What's so hard to understand?"

Wendy groaned loudly, and Eric could hear her flounder around angrily for a moment. "Eric, don't be that guy."

A flash of annoyance struck him, and he whipped back around to face her again. "Don't be what guy?"

Wendy just kept a steady glare trained on him, setting one of her hands down to tap her fingers impatiently against the mattress. "Don't be that douchebag that thinks he's too fucking cool to go to homecoming."

Eric sighed loudly, tilting his head back and letting his arms go limp at his sides. "Why would I even want to go?"

"Because it's fun? Because all your friends are going to be there? Because it's fucking nice to hang out with people once in a blue moon?" Wendy didn't let up, her gaze as scrutinizing as ever. "I mean, hell, Eric, I bet that one goth kid is even going!"

"What, are you two best friends all of a sudden?"

"Eric, you sound like a huge baby right now."

Eric pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. "I am not."

"Eric, fucking look at yourself!" Wendy slid up to a sitting position and gestured wildly to him.

"Look, whatever, Wendy!" Eric snapped in exasperation, and he saw Wendy bite the inside of her cheek. "I don't even have a reason to go!"

"Me and Butters are gonna be there. Are we not a good enough reason? Or are you just butthurt that a _girl_ hasn't asked you?"

"I'm not fucking butthurt!" Eric felt his ears grow hot at Wendy's rebuttal. "And it's not like I don't see you assholes more than I need to as it is. Why do we have to hang out at homecoming?"

"Because it's just _fun_ , Eric." Wendy repeated, sighing. "You don't have to make a big deal out of it."

"I'm not the one making a big deal! You are! Right now!"

Wendy groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes. "Will you at least watch the game with us?"

"I fucking hate our shitty high school football."

Wendy opened her eyes to shoot a glare at him. "You're a real barrel of fun today. What the hell's up with you?"

Eric frowned and turned back towards his computer. "Nothing."

"Noooo, not nothing. You've been a cranky little bitch with me all day today."

Cartman refused to answer, desperately trying to seem busy on his computer. After a while, he heard Wendy slide off the bed and stride across the room towards him. She stopped directly behind him, and Eric tensed up.

"You're not even doing anything." Wendy finally huffed, after apparently staring at him for a while.

"I'm studying." Eric snapped back. "Which is what you're supposed to be helping me with instead of giving me shit about dumbass homecoming."

There was another pause. "Eric, you're literally just grabbing the calculator window and dragging it around the desktop."

"...I never said I was studying well."

Wendy sighed and pulled up the second chair to the desk, sitting next to Eric. "Eric," she started, absently tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Does this have anything to do with Kenny?"

Eric's shoulder's tensed up, and he suddenly felt really guilty. He couldn't exactly place where the feeling was coming from, or maybe he just didn't want to think about it, but after a long moment of silence he glanced over at Wendy a little sheepishly. "Not the homecoming thing. Maybe some of the other thing, though."

Wendy exhaled, interlocking her fingers and placing them on Eric's shoulder. She rested her chin atop her hands. "What'd he say?"

Eric didn't want to get into it, so he just shrugged one shoulder, keeping the other one that was currently occupied still. "Nothing. It was just stupid."

Wendy seemed like she wanted to pry, but after a while she just clicked her tongue thoughtfully. "Just forget about it, if it bothers you so much. It's not like you're obligated to keep hanging out with him. Don't worry about it."

"Yeah," Eric replied, still sounding troubled.

Wendy lifted herself off of Eric's shoulder, leaning back in her chair and stretching her arms out. "And would you at least think about homecoming? It would mean a lot to us if you came."

Cartman scrunched his face up in distaste, but his eyes were softening. "Maybe." He responded dryly, adding, "If I do come, it's just because I don't have the heart to leave you and Butters alone for the entire night. Who knows what the hell he's capable of?"

Wendy scoffed loudly. "Are you insinuating that fucking _Butters_ is going to charm me out of my panties? Right. And my mom's a caribou."

Eric smirked, glancing over at her briefly. She had taken out her phone and was replying to a text, so she didn't notice him looking at her.

He couldn't see her face very well. Her hair had fallen in her eyes again. Eric had the strongest compulsion to move it behind her ear for her.

Instead, he turned back towards his computer screen, the smile Wendy never even saw already falling. "You said it. Not me."

-_-_-_-

When Kenny and Karen had gotten home, Stuart was already there. None of them said anything; Kenny just shooed Karen off to her room to put her stuff away and get ready for dinner.

Stuart was sitting on the couch, drinking a beer, trying to watch a football game through the static of their crappy TV. He didn't look up when Karen walked across the room to her bedroom, but when the door closed behind her, Stuart glanced up at Kenny blankly.

Kenny met his glare evenly, slowly sliding his backpack off his shoulder and setting it on the ground with a dull _thump_. "Do you want anything for dinner?" Kenny asked flatly.

Stuart glowered at him a moment longer before turning back to the television. "No."

At the end of the night, after Karen had put herself to bed, Kenny found himself stepping into her room. She was already fast asleep, so he closed the door behind him carefully. He wasn't exactly sure why he had come in here or what he was hoping to accomplish, so he just slid down the door to take a seat on the ground, watching his sister sleep as if keeping a vigil.

Maybe he didn't have to be so worried. After all, Karen wasn't the one that Stuart was concerned with.

It was one of the last few things Kenny could be grateful for, in a bittersweet way, that Stuart had never laid a hand on Karen. Even before Kevin had died, when things weren't as bad, he would never dare to touch this daughter. Kenny didn't know if it was some kind of twisted "thieve's honor" or something else, but he never questioned it. He couldn't question it.

Kenny suddenly brought his hand up to lightly brush against the left side of his face, still tender and bruised.

He shivered slightly as he realized he didn't know if he could be comforted by that fact anymore.

After a while, Kenny stood back up, quietly exited the room, and headed back to his own. He went straight to his dresser, and opened the bottom drawer. He dug through his clothes until he reached the bottom, and fished around until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a small plastic bag filled with papers and weed and stuffed it into his pocket.

 _It's gonna be fine._ He repeated the mantra to himself as he snuck out the front door to do his business behind the garage. When he stepped out into the cool night air, the chill forced him to shudder again.

_Everything's gonna be fine._


End file.
